The blasphemous bible quiz June 7, 2011Posted by Ezra Resnick in Humor, Religion.
So, you think you can tell heaven from hell? Divine from delusion? Holy from hokum? All right, then: Which of the following are in the Bible?
- God makes a wager with Satan over how a good man will react to having his family killed.
- God provides one of his prophets with a ring of invisibility.
- A king of Israel demands (and receives) 100 foreskins as a dowry for his daughter.
- A queen of Israel uses a poison apple to put an enemy into a deep sleep.
- God forbids women from revealing their shoulders or knees in public.
- A dead prophet’s ghost is raised in order to foretell the future.
- A prophet uses a brass statue of a serpent to cure those bitten in a plague of fiery serpents sent by the Lord.
- An old prophet is killed in a duel with his former pupil, who has turned to evil. The old prophet’s body disappears, leaving only his cloak behind.
- God sends bears to kill 42 children for making fun of a prophet’s baldness.
- God forbids parents from beating their children.
The correct answers are below:
- Job, chapter 1.
- This was Saul’s condition for allowing David to marry his daughter Michal. David promptly slew 200 Philistines and delivered their foreskins to the king.
- I’m afraid not.
- It ain’t in there.
- Saul has a witch raise Samuel’s ghost, and they have a chat.
- To punish the people of Israel for complaining, God sends fiery serpents among them, and many die. God then instructs Moses to build a brass serpent and place it on a pole. Anyone bitten by the fiery serpents can look upon the brass serpent and be healed.
- I don’t think so.
- Elisha cursed those children in the name of the Lord; the Lord sent bears.
- Sadly, all you will find in the Bible is the opposite.